Lazy Susan

Basic Information

Name: Just Susan
Team: Harlem Couch Potatoes
Position/Role: Snack Strategist Extraordinaire
Nickname(s): Lazy Susan

Impression

Lazy Susan gives the impression that she’s always just on the brink of accomplishing something incredibly important—if only she could muster the energy. Her aura suggests an almost heroic struggle against the forces of productivity—one that she consistently, and contentedly, loses. She’s a master of slow, deliberate movements, exuding an air of effortless calm that could put even the most highly-strung individual into a state of deep relaxation. When Susan is around, people tend to feel like time has decided to take a detour, perhaps to admire a cloud or contemplate its own navel. She embodies an almost hypnotic zen, as though every action she takes has been pre-approved by the universe for maximum leisure.

Physical Description

Height: 5'5" (though she’s often closer to the ground, comfortably horizontal)
Weight: Varies, depending on the snack load
Distinctive Features & Attire: Lazy Susan is easily recognizable by her outfit, which looks suspiciously like pajamas masquerading as casual-wear. She’s fond of robes that flow like a river of relaxation, often adorned with pockets specifically designed for snacks. Her most distinctive feature, however, is her ever-present revolving tray—an extension of her very being—always stocked with snacks, remote controls, and the occasional book of sudoku (for when she’s feeling ambitious).

Personality

Motivation: Lazy Susan is motivated by the pursuit of the perfect lounging experience. She’s less concerned with victory in the traditional sense and more with the quiet, personal triumph of reaching a state of supreme comfort while still managing to technically participate in a competitive event.
Quirks: She’s developed the ability to rotate her body with the kind of smoothness that would make a ballerina envious, but only if there’s a tray of snacks involved. Her penchant for sharing unsolicited snack wisdom—“Never underestimate the power of a strategically flung cheese puff—sometimes it's a snack, sometimes it's a distraction, and occasionally it's a life philosophy”—has made her both revered and slightly feared among her teammates.
Likes/Dislikes: Likes include snacks of all varieties, the concept of naps, and remote controls with fully functional batteries. Dislikes include excessive enthusiasm, standing without a clear purpose, and people who insist on rearranging her cushions.
Fears: The horrifying possibility of running out of snacks mid-game—an unthinkable tragedy that keeps her awake during naps.

Backstory

Lazy Susan wasn’t always lazy. Once upon a time, she was just Susan, a highly motivated assistant librarian who took great pride in organizing things—until one day, she encountered an ancient, dusty tome entitled “The Tao of Couching”. Its words resonated with her on a profound level, and she experienced an epiphany: why rush about organizing books when one could simply... lie on the couch? Susan traded the Dewey Decimal System for the Plush Protocol—a sophisticated yet entirely relaxed methodology, categorizes cushions by fluffiness, support level, and snack proximity, ensuring that each cushion is always in the optimal position for lounging efficiency—and never looked back. She joined the Harlem Couch Potatoes when she heard of their Competitive Lounging Tournament and realized it was her calling, a place where her snack-distribution skills and lounging prowess could truly shine.

Abilities & Skills

Signature Moves: The “Snackage Maneuver”—a deft, circular reach for snacks that’s both hypnotic and unnervingly efficient. She also employs the “Lazy Spin”, a maneuver that involves rotating just enough to grab something without actually shifting her position.
Special Abilities: Lazy Susan possesses an uncanny sixth sense for snack replenishment. Without even looking, she knows when a bowl is nearing the dreaded emptiness and will somehow summon a replacement without leaving her lounging position. Additionally, she has the mystical ability to lull even the most excitable opponent into a sense of profound calm, often rendering them unable to play effectively.
Weaknesses: Movement beyond a gentle swivel is her kryptonite. Running is entirely out of the question, and even walking is only performed under duress. If her snacks are somehow taken away, she’s liable to become dramatically less effective—both on and off the field.

Equipment

Lazy Susan’s primary piece of equipment is her namesake: a rotating tray that has been customized over the years to suit her very specific needs. It’s more than just a tray—it’s practically an extension of herself, as essential as any limb, always there to support her lounging endeavors with snacks, drinks, and the occasional sudoku puzzle. It features compartments for different snack types, a holder for her drink, a slot for her remote controls, and a tiny pillow for when her hand gets tired. She also has a pair of slippers, affectionately named "The Elderlings", that have been passed down through the generations (or so she claims) that grant her an almost supernatural level of comfort, aiding her lounging abilities immeasurably by enveloping her feet in a state of perpetual warmth and nostalgia—like being hugged by every nap she’s—and her ancestors—ever taken. They seem to almost whisper encouragement with every step, as if reminding her that no rush is ever truly necessary. Her robes, too, are a crucial part of her arsenal, made of a material so soft it’s rumored to have been woven by the yawns of especially laid-back sloths, flowing like a river of relaxation and adorned with pockets specifically designed for snacks. These robes provide warmth and swaddle her in a cocoon of sloth-like elegance, seeming to shift of their own accord to ensure her lounging posture achieves peak laziness without sacrificing an ounce of poise. They also conveniently double as an emergency snack napkin, much to her delight.